"Sweet Ride"

I was following this Honda CRX today with its 3-4" exhaust pipe and something that made its RPMs sound extremely high. As it hit the other side of the intersection doing all of 2mph the car sounded like it was doing 10,000 RPM. I've also seen many other "enhancements" such as unpainted and unshaped sheet metal spoilers that are too big for the vehicle. So I got to thinking what it would take to make a really impressive vehicle for cruising around the town.

Start out with a really old rusted out station wagon with wooden side panels.
Turn it into a convertible.
Add one of those beastly rear spoilers but make it out of plywood (unpainted).
Add a nice big plywood (unpainted) air scoop on the hood, doesn't need to be functional.
Lower the car and add a "bounce" kit.
Give it a nice 3-4" exhaust with whatever makes the RPMs sound outrageous.
It's gonna need two vertical non-functional diesel-style exhaust pipes to shoot flames into the sky.
Spot lights mounted on top of the front window.
A gun rack.
Rusted alloy wheels, either the wheel-less type or the type that keeps spinning even when the car isn't moving.
A really loud stereo with a nasty vibration problem.
A really tall CB antenna with a yellow smiley ball on top.
Fluffy mirror dice.
A racing stripe over the top of the car.
An under the car light kit. I've heard they are now illegal here but maybe it could be used while at a stop.
A roll bar.
Lots of really old worn out bumper stickers.
Throw in one of those really old foot long cell phones.
A really good alarm system. (bwb suggested the alarm says "STEP THE F*** AWAY FROM THIS VEHICLE" when anyone gets within six feet)

Good with image manipulation programs and have nothing better to do? Why not throw together a picture of this fine automobile and send it my way. :)

Some other funny sites related to ugly cars:

Maddox's ride - this is good picture of an ugly modified car and has additional ideas to make a car ugly.
Four ugly unmodified cars - another Maddox page.

The following people contributed ideas: my brothers, witten (diesel-style stacks, flames were my idea) and imaginator (for the maddox links).